Merry Christmas Eve 2011

Tree trimming- the tallest tree yet








The tree hauler. Possibly the last year for the "farm" harvest as they are getting too BIG!






A night time read.....

Opening their one Christmas eve present. Lots of Santa talk this year...Abby deciding/choosing and Wessy just discovering.

Today

One of the sweetest sounds that I get to hear.... Abby and Wes in her room, him belly laughing like he doesn't laugh with anyone else. The sun is shining, if feels perfectly fall today, the fire is going, the kids happy, and I feel all relaxed and lucky and blessed and loved.......

First Goal of the year!!

"She's not crying because she is sad, " Pushpa explains gently. "She's crying out of happiness. She says that now her voice will be carried on the wind and other people will hear her. That's what's making her cry. She never thought anyone would hear her."

- a bit from a book by China Galland

Trying to understand what my body means when it malfunctions.... what to do about it other than the band-aid.

September is such a marathon.......
ughghghh.....

First day of 3rd Grade!!

Abby's first day of 3rd grade today. So proud of her, she was 10 tons excited and an ounce scared. She is now the youngest grade in the multi-age classroom.

comments from the day

- mom the best thing about it is that i get my own locker. so cool.

- I felt really big today mom, like old. It was cool.

- The only thing i'm worried about is teacher Tom said we would do research on the computers. I don't really know how to do research yet.

Proud of her. My friend's daughter was having a hard time, she was really nervous and just not sure. She asked Abby going in if she would hold her hand this morning that she was nervous and abs replied yeah, sure and off they went to face the new class. Proud of all the kids I know who started school this last week, they are all so smart and capable.

Friday night

Tonight was one of those nights that just worked out without any planning. I LOVE IT!
I got to see Hannah, which these days is far in between visits because lives are just that busy. Tonight she called said she is going to be in town for dinner and it worked, the kids and i went and saw all these people that we care about, the kids playing all together and two babies- in-bellies (maybe 3) we don't know yet. it was super sweet and one of those beautiful sunny nights. All I felt was gratefullness that all those years ago we got put in the same P.E. class and that was all we needed- couldn't get us apart after that. Love you Han.

Wes's bday pictures

I love his face in this as we're all singing to him, like he's trying not to smile but sooo pleased.











The Gang






Taking a break at Grandma's house









In the tub with his beloved tractor

Just before bed, Wes and I. I can't believe he's 2 already.

Little Wes is 2

Today is the end of your day sweet boy. I can't believe you are 2 at the same time it seems as if we've always had you. It took such a long time for you to finally get here and i don't mean the birth, although that did take a long time, too. I mean the time between your sister and you. We went through alot in those six years, not knowing if you would ever be. I wondered if we should get pregnant you guys being so far apart and also with the cancer if it was a good idea to go through the hormone storm- the oncologists said no. But in the back of my head or in the very middle of me I knew you were there, just waiting around until the time was right. I didn't know if you would be a boy or girl, didn't much care, but i knew you were. I thank all the support I have around me for helping me be brave and not scared of getting pregnant and going forward with life. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
And now for what you are like at 2. Wessy you are loud just like your sissy was and still is. You love being outside, clothes or no, playing in the dirt with your cars, tractors, or trucks, talking to the dogs and throwing their sticks, going out to see "hi" or Grandma. You are the most in love with Tractors right now and your sister. Poor Abs can't get very far away from you and you are saying her name over and over until you see her. You of course want everything she has and her room- we are working on boundaries we all can live with. Sometimes you listen about touching her things and are gentle and other times you just want to throw everything around and crash things together to see if they break. You are so lovey, snuggy, and huggable. You are getting close to potty training but not quite there yet. You are still sensitive to dairy food but we are finding some things you can tolerate, hoping that you grow out of that. You pull all the tires off of almost every little tractor or truck you have. Often i still find you with your head on the floor, a tractor in your hand, your knees tucked up under you making that noise as you watch the tractor tires moving along the carpet. You still like to go on walks in the stroller and we just changed your bed to a real bed on the floor, away with the crib. Sleeping is still a challenge for sure. There are a thousand more things but this momma is so tired. You are growing up sweet boy and we love you to the moon and back. Thanks for being our littlest.

A Few

Bathing in the sink- yeah summer dirt!




















The newest addition to the yard!


















Abby's aunt Jenny sent this to her from Germany. How to Train your Dragon mania! She didn't take it off for 3 days.

Remembering

Trying my hardest to remember what it is like to be little and full of energy and ideas when its getting close to bedtime. What it is like to be so damn loud.What it is like to throw your head back and laugh until your belly hurts, like my two are doing.Instead I am feeling tired ....tired....tired.... and wishing for quiet and that they would magically put themselves to bed. I'm trying to remember how to be patient and nice for that matter.Maybe i'm jealous of them having no agenda, how free their little spirits are, that they don't have a to -do list that never ends, that they can run around naked from one end of the house to the other post bath time and laugh hysterically. Just trying to remember what its like and finding it hard.

Eclipsing and Full

Today a Lunar Eclipse and a Full Moon.

Watch Out!!!

A Few

Mt. Baker
















Abby as Hermione for StoryBook character at her school. So sweet and she's almost done reading the 2nd book! So fun.



















The sun, the yard, the grass, and the garden.













Cherrie trees in full

Oh the evening light. Lovely.

A Sunny Day- finally

An afternoon on the boat, Wes's first sail being able to walk around. It was a bit nerve racking but he did pretty good. He wanted to drive the boat of course!
















Taking a break, really does it get any easier than this. Rigorous chore regime starting soon so he doesn't get accustomed to this sort of life, right? ha. maybe we can wait a few more months. :)













Abby the sailor

















Momma and Wes, this pic is an attempt to show my new nose ring but you can barely see it. A trip to Seattle with the girls, Capitol Hill and the Laughing Buddha produced this, LOVE IT!!

Mothers Day at La Push

I woke up on Mothers Day to the waves breaking, the sun shining, breakfast made in the camper by Joe, some surfing (not by me yet), kids laughing and screaming, and a grey whale breaching straight up into the air maybe 4 times. I was so excited i was seriously yelling to complete strangers to watch for the whale. From the neighbor campers who come every mothers day, they say that the whales always show themselves for mothers day. She was beautiful. I'm sure it was a female giving a shout out to all us mama's on the beach. Love. Love. Love.

Abigail 8 yrs. climbing as usual on all the driftwood at la push. I overhear her telling another girl how to climb up, her asking, "well, have you ever climbed trees before, its just like that." We got to camp by some people with kids her age so she was in play heaven, making fairy houses in the woods, climbing and riding bikes around.

Wessy at 21 months. His favorite thing to do is poke his hands in the sand and get a fist full of those tiny little rocks and put it right on his head, or yours if you're close. That belly laugh though is worth all that sand in your hair.

Thanks my babies for making me a momma.

A Bit

" If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; This you have the power to revoke at any moment."

-Marcus Aurelius

Some Easter discussion at the Schroeder household....

Abby: Mom you just have to tell me, are you guys filling the Easter baskets or the Easter bunny?
Me: Some round about discussion ensues about are there things we believe in that we can't see and that ultimately it is her choice whether she wants to believe in the Easter bunny or not.
Abby: My friend at school today mom they don't do Easter because they aren't Christians. So the Easter bunny doesn't give baskets to people who aren't Christians, what is THAT about mom?
Me: after a big deep breath a discussion about the religious holiday vs. consumerism and what that means. Good Lord its only Monday?

However, said 8 yr old did made us dinner tonight- Tuna Melts with only a bit of help from mom
and she also got her own sliver out with a needle and tweezers without even one tear.... and those who know my girl well, THAT is a big deal. :) She's growing up i'm afraid. Can't she just be 8 forever?

Some Pics

The comments are all messed up but you get the drift. No energy to fix it. :) Ferry trip on the way home from Seattle Abs and Joe up in the Space Needle- this picture I feel like Abs is looking so old! :( Ready to go swimming Mama! Wessy's favorite spot in the hotel watching all the cars and announcing every truck that went by!! Stormy outside on the ferry Abby's Rat grave- need I say more? Morning Sun and the porch. Finally.

A Few

Dirty Bit....

Inspired by the Black Eyed Peas.... the nitty gritty of late.

Screaming boy of 19 months at the dinner table, not wanting to eat but to "make" things with all of our food. Too much Iron chef perhaps??? a little boy who wants to do everything his sister is doing, wants to be on her top bunk to play with all the little stuff he wrecks, albeit not on purpose just "messes up" per Abby.

Also a sweet little boy who loves to run around naked after his bath, who last night made his sound- ceeekkkhhh (his noise for anything gross, garbage, poop, whatever) which meant he had to go to the bathroom- he ran in and peed on the potty instead of the floor- horray! who LOVES to be outside getting wet, running his trucks around, taking walks to the shop to sit on every tractor seat available- you should see the smile.

Fairy houses, play dates here and there, in the car with Mumford and Sons playing, videos being made by Abs of her and her brother/friends, the sun coming out along with the rain/hail and wind, garden beds getting trimmed back, birds chirping, everything so green, appreciating nap time and oh the quiet, reading, breathing, stretching and gymnastic practice in the living room, feeling like there isn't enough time for everything, or enough energy, or enough......

Also some yelling and apologizing, some hugging and appreciating. This journey is so wild at times and also so blissfully simple. Look up today and see the sky. Love. Love.

Love this....

Dreaming

I don't have much to say but to share this picture.

I am thinking about how it sounds, how it feels to be there, how it smells like the sea and sand and every little organic thing. Big sigh..........

In Peace She Went

My sweet grandma Katie died yesterday at 96 yrs old with basically nothing wrong with her but just being old. She was born in 1914 in Ohio and had a crush on my grandfather when she sat behind him in 7th grade. They ended up getting married in Sequim, she lived in the same house when she married until she couldn't live by herself anymore and went to a local assisted living place. She was amazingly aware at the end, responding to us just 2 days before she passed away. She was so tough..... anyone that knew her loved her joking spirit and how she said thanks for everything all the time.

I have so many memories of her growing up until now. She loved us all so much.

She always was happy to see you at her house, would always try and feed you and no matter when you stopped by she always always had homemade cookies in the cookie jar.

- thousands of ping pong games in the rec room

-having a giant drawer of flour and sugar for baking and letting me measure things out

-trying to teach me how to bowl- her sitting down in huff shaking her head with a smile on her face after probably my 5th gutter ball. " I don't know what you are doing, I can't help you."

-When all of us were in college and missing home late at night we all knew to call her because she would be awake and happy to hear from us.

-We always had huge family dinners at her house, her basically making all the food, a long table full of people and she made the BEST fried chicken.

-When Anthony and I got to spend the night at her house and we were supposed to go to bed, we would stay up laughing and not going to sleep. She never got mad at us just at some point would open the door and tell us it was time to sleep and we would zonk out.

- She made oatmeal with evaporated milk and lot of sugar and let us pick what we wanted for lunch. My brother usually picked peanut butter and honey and I usually picked chicken noodle soup.

-She and my grandpa loved to play cards I remember being little enough and sitting on their lap and watching them play with their friends trying to figure out how they shuffled the cards so well and how they played the game. Soon they taught us.

-She loved my kids. I remember sitting on the couch feeding Abby with her sitting right by me leaning into me and patting her bottom while we rocked saying how beautiful she was.

-Even in the nursing home when it was hard for her to remember my kids, Wes and I would come in to see her and she would say how big and strong he was and how beautiful. He loved to go see her, he would try and brush her hair and always wanted to touch her face. He didn't do that with anyone else.

-Abby remembers going to visit her at Sherwood, sitting on her floor drawing pictures in a tablet kept there for her while we visited.

If I can manage to walk through this world with half the dignity and grace that my grandmother and mother have I will be lucky.

No sleep

So many many things swimming around in my head, a head that is hurting from no caffeine today. I am so tired, these children won't sleep all night. We all are so tired, except Wes of course he's rarin' to go.

He went to the bathroom on his potty tonight and gave me a high five for it.

I told him tonight as he was drinking his milk to go to sleep that his mama was really tired, that he needed to stop waking up and just sleep all night. Think it will work? Trying to rationalize with a 19 mo. old probably isn't the best tactic, ughgh.

Maybe soon we'll just have to let him yell and figure it out...

double ughghh....

Happy 8th Abby

Abby's birthday card from her Papa- for a girl who loves dragons so much, isn't this sooo awesome! Love you Joe.










On the way to Great Wolf Lodge. Actually I think this is them in the driveway waiting for us to get the car packed. :)














After hours in the waterpark, a tired, hungry but super happy boy. :)












Abs up her Wolf Den bed- top bunk with all her Webkinz who made the trip with her.












The way home, ice cream on her face, a smile, Wessy saying "cheeeese," which he apparently can't do without closing his eyes. :)







Happy Happy 8th birthday my girl. A joint family birthday party with her uncle Ben, a cake she designed her self- a dragon of course. Then off to Great Wolf Lodge which is a crazy, wild indoor waterpark. Lots of work for the parents but tons of fun for these kiddos and the parents too, actually. I was totally screaming going backwards on the tube while Abby was laughing her head off, having already been down it a few times with Joe. :) Managing the water with the crowd not many pics were taken, bummer but you can't do it all. A few pictures i wish I had is Wessy being in the wave pool hanging on and all grins in the waves and walking straight into the waves, getting bowled over and going right back for more. Abs's and Joe's face when she got off the Alberta Falls waterslide, her jumping up and down after going on her first few slides she was so excited, her winning 250 tickets at the arcade playing straight ice ball and few basketball games, and of course Joe standing right in the area where a giant bucket with 1,000 gallons of water dumps right on your head- all smiles and that laugh.
Abby you are growing up so quickly. When you turned 7 i felt so excited but 8 makes me feel a little melancholy. There are times when you are completely mature and charming and those other times that you can still seem 5 at best. I love all of you girl.

The Potty

Just now Abby is reading to Wes while he sits on the potty and tries to pee.
Is it possible that she will do the potty training.
Wow, who knew?

A ride on the new ferry the Chetzemoka, Port Townsend to Whidbey Island and back.












Love this photo of Abby cracking up






Sweetie boy Wes with his long hair. Hair cut on the calendar for next weekend. He's going to look so grown up. :(



Abs and I

Full

At our house last night. So lovely.

Last night

Last night Abs in the tub.
Abs: Momma, I think i want to go to Ireland. maybe live there.
me: sounds good baby, then i can visit. Maybe you could go to college there.
Abs: yeah, that would be cool.
-somehow it came up about having to pay for college
me: how i did it was try to get really good grades in school so i could get a scholarship that paid for it. otherwise you don't go or you get loans to pay and then you pay it back.
Abs: ohh... so that is how you do it.
me: we are lucky because you have a farm across the street to that you can work all summer to earn money when you get bigger and can run the tractors.
Abs: yeah... i really want to do that. but mom I don't really want to get any older because working all the time seems hard. Can't the world just stop growing right now and we could all just stay this old? Then Wessy would be cute forever!
me: he will still be cute when he's older just like you are and no Wessy has to get bigger so his momma can stop chasing him around.
And we laughed. Then she went on splashing the water out of the tub because she is being all crazy and me getting mad at her for getting water all over (happens almost every tub she takes.) Funny how there are little moments of vision and then you snap back into life and the moment is gone.
I just want to be able to look back and remember.

Today I walked for more than an hour with the sun on me the whole time....ahhhhhh.

Joe and I heading out on New Years Eve in Portland to find the Aladdin Theatre to see Brandi Carlile. We ate at a tiny place called Tastebuds, started with coffee and ended with a dessert which cannot be named it was that good. We stood in line in the seriously freezing weather and got in. At one point I was only three people away from the stage- can i just say she is so awesome!! We had a great time and horray for 24hrs away. :)

Our sweet tree in the snow
Abs doing snow angels on the driveway with barely enough snow.
Mr. Snowman
Sweetie kids watching the snowplow