Some Glitter

Abby's last BBall game tonight- they lost their first game of the year, none of her shots went in, but she played like crazy. So proud of her.

This is crazy boy in motion with his cousin Liam's zuit suit on.  He  is so sweet and also soooo flipping loud....

Corn on the cob in February- thank you costco, this boy is crazy for it. Maybe he is just crazy for the small  very sharp corn shaped objects you get to "spear" in the ends

Abs turning 9 and finally getting her ears pierced.  Her Papa threatened 16 but in the end 9 seemed good, too.

A Nod to Creating

I read some things today in a book about numbers.

Adding together and getting who you are.  

Its wild to read to yourself, out loud to others, things about yourself that you thought only you knew.

I'm not sure what it confirms.... that the world is numerically based, that we're all meant to be just how we are.

Sure there are things that are easy for each and in turn things that are hard but it makes the whole.

To just decide to like it, to be easier on others, to be more understanding and to take things less personal.

That maybe its not because something is wrong but because its just the way we are and we get to decide to stay on, to stay the course, or change direction.  

I feel far away from myself and a strong need to create.

To create space.... and time..... something tangible..... to run.....to emote somewhere safe that others won't have to be effected by it or feel it in some personal way..... the lack of expectations.  Sounds like running away but maybe its running to.....    

Doing

There are days when every minute is accounted for before you even get out of bed.
Unavoidable sometimes, self inflicted, others.
You work so hard and give so much for those you love, things you feel are important.
But sometimes at the end of that day in doing all those tasks,
you didn't touch much,
you didn't have time to read when they asked,
to just "be" right beside them,
to crawl in bed with him.
Will they know I am loving by the tasks and the doing? or will they think back and wonder where I was?
Unable to remember.....

Showing his Auntie

Pitching Out

First Sushi- Yumm-o

Serious Snowman making

 I love sledding!!

The Hospital

I forget about hospitals, about being a patient and not a nurse with work to do.

So many memories of a different time of my life...

The corner market in Fremont, the Italian restaurant down the street, hearing Lucy my cat bound up the stairs after spending the day outside in the city while I was at work, when it was just her and I. Milk in glass containers, visits from Joe, the subaru and the scout.

Its life in your face here with little kids kissing their momma goodbye as she pushes her pole down the hall. Doctors doing their routine while patients are riddled with anxiety, worry, and nervous laughter. Bleary-eyed residents walk the halls knowing sleep isn't happening for days. An old man waiting for his partner who had major bypass surgery, all smiles as he was leaving - he had made it through. People sleeping in the waiting room praying out loud and to themselves, 10 yr.old boys answering the phone and playing phase 10 with mom. No food all day.

Sometimes I wonder about hospitals and how we heal, that we put so much faith in other people, in what we know at that time. In the future will it just get more and more human removed with machines and robots OR will we pray more, touch each other more, and learn to heal ourselves?

I am so glad Kali got through the surgery as well as she did and healing is the only thing left for her to do.

Welcome Year of the Dragon

May I be able to see when I need to,

act when I am able, and embrace the way.

Snow!!

Wessy today out checking the snow

catching snow flakes





doing some snow work and of course eating the snow!!

Oatie our mini donkey- a bit annoyed at the white stuff

Time

It seems to be just flying by... where o where do you go?

Driving Abs to and from school everyday...ughghgh

Basketball practice and games- super fun- am trying not to be too vocal -*hard*

Chores, playdates, and a bit of homework each night and Abs learning to do things everyday... the same thing..... that sometimes life isn't fun all the time

Abby learning lessons about how to treat people and handle emotion- * hard* on momma and her

Wessy having to go to the dentist and finding out he has major cavity issues and is learning to brush teeth 4 x a day, drink water, and not snack * hard *

Wessy being 2 learning that his momma can't do every single thing for him, that he can't have everything he wants, that his sister won't always want to play with him, not drinking as much milk and timeouts- * hard *

Joe and I trying our best to hold it all together.

There isn't a lot of light at our house these days, lots of screaming, crying and fighting, lots of games of chase, puzzles, reading books, castle making out of blocks, lego building, and trying to breathe deep and often.

Remembering that it won't always feel this stressful, to try and just breath right through it.

* HARD *

Merry Christmas Eve 2011

Tree trimming- the tallest tree yet








The tree hauler. Possibly the last year for the "farm" harvest as they are getting too BIG!






A night time read.....

Opening their one Christmas eve present. Lots of Santa talk this year...Abby deciding/choosing and Wessy just discovering.

Today

One of the sweetest sounds that I get to hear.... Abby and Wes in her room, him belly laughing like he doesn't laugh with anyone else. The sun is shining, if feels perfectly fall today, the fire is going, the kids happy, and I feel all relaxed and lucky and blessed and loved.......

First Goal of the year!!

"She's not crying because she is sad, " Pushpa explains gently. "She's crying out of happiness. She says that now her voice will be carried on the wind and other people will hear her. That's what's making her cry. She never thought anyone would hear her."

- a bit from a book by China Galland

Trying to understand what my body means when it malfunctions.... what to do about it other than the band-aid.

September is such a marathon.......
ughghghh.....

First day of 3rd Grade!!

Abby's first day of 3rd grade today. So proud of her, she was 10 tons excited and an ounce scared. She is now the youngest grade in the multi-age classroom.

comments from the day

- mom the best thing about it is that i get my own locker. so cool.

- I felt really big today mom, like old. It was cool.

- The only thing i'm worried about is teacher Tom said we would do research on the computers. I don't really know how to do research yet.

Proud of her. My friend's daughter was having a hard time, she was really nervous and just not sure. She asked Abby going in if she would hold her hand this morning that she was nervous and abs replied yeah, sure and off they went to face the new class. Proud of all the kids I know who started school this last week, they are all so smart and capable.

Friday night

Tonight was one of those nights that just worked out without any planning. I LOVE IT!
I got to see Hannah, which these days is far in between visits because lives are just that busy. Tonight she called said she is going to be in town for dinner and it worked, the kids and i went and saw all these people that we care about, the kids playing all together and two babies- in-bellies (maybe 3) we don't know yet. it was super sweet and one of those beautiful sunny nights. All I felt was gratefullness that all those years ago we got put in the same P.E. class and that was all we needed- couldn't get us apart after that. Love you Han.