Little Wes is 2

Today is the end of your day sweet boy. I can't believe you are 2 at the same time it seems as if we've always had you. It took such a long time for you to finally get here and i don't mean the birth, although that did take a long time, too. I mean the time between your sister and you. We went through alot in those six years, not knowing if you would ever be. I wondered if we should get pregnant you guys being so far apart and also with the cancer if it was a good idea to go through the hormone storm- the oncologists said no. But in the back of my head or in the very middle of me I knew you were there, just waiting around until the time was right. I didn't know if you would be a boy or girl, didn't much care, but i knew you were. I thank all the support I have around me for helping me be brave and not scared of getting pregnant and going forward with life. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
And now for what you are like at 2. Wessy you are loud just like your sissy was and still is. You love being outside, clothes or no, playing in the dirt with your cars, tractors, or trucks, talking to the dogs and throwing their sticks, going out to see "hi" or Grandma. You are the most in love with Tractors right now and your sister. Poor Abs can't get very far away from you and you are saying her name over and over until you see her. You of course want everything she has and her room- we are working on boundaries we all can live with. Sometimes you listen about touching her things and are gentle and other times you just want to throw everything around and crash things together to see if they break. You are so lovey, snuggy, and huggable. You are getting close to potty training but not quite there yet. You are still sensitive to dairy food but we are finding some things you can tolerate, hoping that you grow out of that. You pull all the tires off of almost every little tractor or truck you have. Often i still find you with your head on the floor, a tractor in your hand, your knees tucked up under you making that noise as you watch the tractor tires moving along the carpet. You still like to go on walks in the stroller and we just changed your bed to a real bed on the floor, away with the crib. Sleeping is still a challenge for sure. There are a thousand more things but this momma is so tired. You are growing up sweet boy and we love you to the moon and back. Thanks for being our littlest.

A Few

Bathing in the sink- yeah summer dirt!




















The newest addition to the yard!


















Abby's aunt Jenny sent this to her from Germany. How to Train your Dragon mania! She didn't take it off for 3 days.

Remembering

Trying my hardest to remember what it is like to be little and full of energy and ideas when its getting close to bedtime. What it is like to be so damn loud.What it is like to throw your head back and laugh until your belly hurts, like my two are doing.Instead I am feeling tired ....tired....tired.... and wishing for quiet and that they would magically put themselves to bed. I'm trying to remember how to be patient and nice for that matter.Maybe i'm jealous of them having no agenda, how free their little spirits are, that they don't have a to -do list that never ends, that they can run around naked from one end of the house to the other post bath time and laugh hysterically. Just trying to remember what its like and finding it hard.

Eclipsing and Full

Today a Lunar Eclipse and a Full Moon.

Watch Out!!!

A Few

Mt. Baker
















Abby as Hermione for StoryBook character at her school. So sweet and she's almost done reading the 2nd book! So fun.



















The sun, the yard, the grass, and the garden.













Cherrie trees in full

Oh the evening light. Lovely.

A Sunny Day- finally

An afternoon on the boat, Wes's first sail being able to walk around. It was a bit nerve racking but he did pretty good. He wanted to drive the boat of course!
















Taking a break, really does it get any easier than this. Rigorous chore regime starting soon so he doesn't get accustomed to this sort of life, right? ha. maybe we can wait a few more months. :)













Abby the sailor

















Momma and Wes, this pic is an attempt to show my new nose ring but you can barely see it. A trip to Seattle with the girls, Capitol Hill and the Laughing Buddha produced this, LOVE IT!!

Mothers Day at La Push

I woke up on Mothers Day to the waves breaking, the sun shining, breakfast made in the camper by Joe, some surfing (not by me yet), kids laughing and screaming, and a grey whale breaching straight up into the air maybe 4 times. I was so excited i was seriously yelling to complete strangers to watch for the whale. From the neighbor campers who come every mothers day, they say that the whales always show themselves for mothers day. She was beautiful. I'm sure it was a female giving a shout out to all us mama's on the beach. Love. Love. Love.

Abigail 8 yrs. climbing as usual on all the driftwood at la push. I overhear her telling another girl how to climb up, her asking, "well, have you ever climbed trees before, its just like that." We got to camp by some people with kids her age so she was in play heaven, making fairy houses in the woods, climbing and riding bikes around.

Wessy at 21 months. His favorite thing to do is poke his hands in the sand and get a fist full of those tiny little rocks and put it right on his head, or yours if you're close. That belly laugh though is worth all that sand in your hair.

Thanks my babies for making me a momma.

A Bit

" If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; This you have the power to revoke at any moment."

-Marcus Aurelius

Some Easter discussion at the Schroeder household....

Abby: Mom you just have to tell me, are you guys filling the Easter baskets or the Easter bunny?
Me: Some round about discussion ensues about are there things we believe in that we can't see and that ultimately it is her choice whether she wants to believe in the Easter bunny or not.
Abby: My friend at school today mom they don't do Easter because they aren't Christians. So the Easter bunny doesn't give baskets to people who aren't Christians, what is THAT about mom?
Me: after a big deep breath a discussion about the religious holiday vs. consumerism and what that means. Good Lord its only Monday?

However, said 8 yr old did made us dinner tonight- Tuna Melts with only a bit of help from mom
and she also got her own sliver out with a needle and tweezers without even one tear.... and those who know my girl well, THAT is a big deal. :) She's growing up i'm afraid. Can't she just be 8 forever?

Some Pics

The comments are all messed up but you get the drift. No energy to fix it. :) Ferry trip on the way home from Seattle Abs and Joe up in the Space Needle- this picture I feel like Abs is looking so old! :( Ready to go swimming Mama! Wessy's favorite spot in the hotel watching all the cars and announcing every truck that went by!! Stormy outside on the ferry Abby's Rat grave- need I say more? Morning Sun and the porch. Finally.

A Few

Dirty Bit....

Inspired by the Black Eyed Peas.... the nitty gritty of late.

Screaming boy of 19 months at the dinner table, not wanting to eat but to "make" things with all of our food. Too much Iron chef perhaps??? a little boy who wants to do everything his sister is doing, wants to be on her top bunk to play with all the little stuff he wrecks, albeit not on purpose just "messes up" per Abby.

Also a sweet little boy who loves to run around naked after his bath, who last night made his sound- ceeekkkhhh (his noise for anything gross, garbage, poop, whatever) which meant he had to go to the bathroom- he ran in and peed on the potty instead of the floor- horray! who LOVES to be outside getting wet, running his trucks around, taking walks to the shop to sit on every tractor seat available- you should see the smile.

Fairy houses, play dates here and there, in the car with Mumford and Sons playing, videos being made by Abs of her and her brother/friends, the sun coming out along with the rain/hail and wind, garden beds getting trimmed back, birds chirping, everything so green, appreciating nap time and oh the quiet, reading, breathing, stretching and gymnastic practice in the living room, feeling like there isn't enough time for everything, or enough energy, or enough......

Also some yelling and apologizing, some hugging and appreciating. This journey is so wild at times and also so blissfully simple. Look up today and see the sky. Love. Love.

Love this....

Dreaming

I don't have much to say but to share this picture.

I am thinking about how it sounds, how it feels to be there, how it smells like the sea and sand and every little organic thing. Big sigh..........

In Peace She Went

My sweet grandma Katie died yesterday at 96 yrs old with basically nothing wrong with her but just being old. She was born in 1914 in Ohio and had a crush on my grandfather when she sat behind him in 7th grade. They ended up getting married in Sequim, she lived in the same house when she married until she couldn't live by herself anymore and went to a local assisted living place. She was amazingly aware at the end, responding to us just 2 days before she passed away. She was so tough..... anyone that knew her loved her joking spirit and how she said thanks for everything all the time.

I have so many memories of her growing up until now. She loved us all so much.

She always was happy to see you at her house, would always try and feed you and no matter when you stopped by she always always had homemade cookies in the cookie jar.

- thousands of ping pong games in the rec room

-having a giant drawer of flour and sugar for baking and letting me measure things out

-trying to teach me how to bowl- her sitting down in huff shaking her head with a smile on her face after probably my 5th gutter ball. " I don't know what you are doing, I can't help you."

-When all of us were in college and missing home late at night we all knew to call her because she would be awake and happy to hear from us.

-We always had huge family dinners at her house, her basically making all the food, a long table full of people and she made the BEST fried chicken.

-When Anthony and I got to spend the night at her house and we were supposed to go to bed, we would stay up laughing and not going to sleep. She never got mad at us just at some point would open the door and tell us it was time to sleep and we would zonk out.

- She made oatmeal with evaporated milk and lot of sugar and let us pick what we wanted for lunch. My brother usually picked peanut butter and honey and I usually picked chicken noodle soup.

-She and my grandpa loved to play cards I remember being little enough and sitting on their lap and watching them play with their friends trying to figure out how they shuffled the cards so well and how they played the game. Soon they taught us.

-She loved my kids. I remember sitting on the couch feeding Abby with her sitting right by me leaning into me and patting her bottom while we rocked saying how beautiful she was.

-Even in the nursing home when it was hard for her to remember my kids, Wes and I would come in to see her and she would say how big and strong he was and how beautiful. He loved to go see her, he would try and brush her hair and always wanted to touch her face. He didn't do that with anyone else.

-Abby remembers going to visit her at Sherwood, sitting on her floor drawing pictures in a tablet kept there for her while we visited.

If I can manage to walk through this world with half the dignity and grace that my grandmother and mother have I will be lucky.

No sleep

So many many things swimming around in my head, a head that is hurting from no caffeine today. I am so tired, these children won't sleep all night. We all are so tired, except Wes of course he's rarin' to go.

He went to the bathroom on his potty tonight and gave me a high five for it.

I told him tonight as he was drinking his milk to go to sleep that his mama was really tired, that he needed to stop waking up and just sleep all night. Think it will work? Trying to rationalize with a 19 mo. old probably isn't the best tactic, ughgh.

Maybe soon we'll just have to let him yell and figure it out...

double ughghh....