Washington Harbor

2012-01-29T22:27:00.000-08:00

Showing his Auntie

Pitching Out

First Sushi- Yumm-o

Serious Snowman making

Had to add this one- she was having fun...... really.

The Hospital

2012-01-26T14:25:00.001-08:00

I forget about hospitals, about being a patient and not a nurse with work to do.

So many memories of a different time of my life...

The corner market in Fremont, the Italian restaurant down the street, hearing Lucy my cat bound up the stairs after spending the day outside in the city while I was at work, when it was just her and I. Milk in glass containers, visits from Joe, the subaru and the scout.

Its life in your face here with little kids kissing their momma goodbye as she pushes her pole down the hall. Doctors doing their routine while patients are riddled with anxiety, worry, and nervous laughter. Bleary-eyed residents walk the halls knowing sleep isn't happening for days. An old man waiting for his partner who had major bypass surgery, all smiles as he was leaving - he had made it through. People sleeping in the waiting room praying out loud and to themselves, 10 yr.old boys answering the phone and playing phase 10 with mom. No food all day.

Sometimes I wonder about hospitals and how we heal, that we put so much faith in other people, in what we know at that time. In the future will it just get more and more human removed with machines and robots OR will we pray more, touch each other more, and learn to heal ourselves?

I am so glad Kali got through the surgery as well as she did and healing is the only thing left for her to do.

Welcome Year of the Dragon

2012-01-23T07:12:00.000-08:00

May I be able to see when I need to,

act when I am able, and embrace the way.

Snow!!

2012-01-15T22:06:00.001-08:00

Wessy today out checking the snow

catching snow flakes

doing some snow work and of course eating the snow!!

Oatie our mini donkey- a bit annoyed at the white stuff

Time

2012-01-14T15:40:00.000-08:00

It seems to be just flying by... where o where do you go?

Driving Abs to and from school everyday...ughghgh

Basketball practice and games- super fun- am trying not to be too vocal -*hard*

Chores, playdates, and a bit of homework each night and Abs learning to do things everyday... the same thing..... that sometimes life isn't fun all the time

Abby learning lessons about how to treat people and handle emotion- * hard* on momma and her

Wessy having to go to the dentist and finding out he has major cavity issues and is learning to brush teeth 4 x a day, drink water, and not snack * hard *

Wessy being 2 learning that his momma can't do every single thing for him, that he can't have everything he wants, that his sister won't always want to play with him, not drinking as much milk and timeouts- * hard *

Joe and I trying our best to hold it all together.

There isn't a lot of light at our house these days, lots of screaming, crying and fighting, lots of games of chase, puzzles, reading books, castle making out of blocks, lego building, and trying to breathe deep and often.

Remembering that it won't always feel this stressful, to try and just breath right through it.

* HARD *

Merry Christmas Eve 2011

2011-12-24T21:55:00.000-08:00

Tree trimming- the tallest tree yet

The tree hauler. Possibly the last year for the "farm" harvest as they are getting too BIG!

A night time read.....

Opening their one Christmas eve present. Lots of Santa talk this year...Abby deciding/choosing and Wessy just discovering.

Today

2011-10-25T15:33:00.000-07:00

One of the sweetest sounds that I get to hear.... Abby and Wes in her room, him belly laughing like he doesn't laugh with anyone else. The sun is shining, if feels perfectly fall today, the fire is going, the kids happy, and I feel all relaxed and lucky and blessed and loved.......

First Goal of the year!!

2011-10-01T13:29:00.000-07:00

2011-09-29T22:03:00.000-07:00

"She's not crying because she is sad, " Pushpa explains gently. "She's crying out of happiness. She says that now her voice will be carried on the wind and other people will hear her. That's what's making her cry. She never thought anyone would hear her."

- a bit from a book by China Galland

Trying to understand what my body means when it malfunctions.... what to do about it other than the band-aid.

2011-09-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

September is such a marathon.......
ughghghh.....

First day of 3rd Grade!!

2011-09-06T21:30:00.000-07:00

Abby's first day of 3rd grade today. So proud of her, she was 10 tons excited and an ounce scared. She is now the youngest grade in the multi-age classroom.

comments from the day

- mom the best thing about it is that i get my own locker. so cool.

- I felt really big today mom, like old. It was cool.

- The only thing i'm worried about is teacher Tom said we would do research on the computers. I don't really know how to do research yet.

Proud of her. My friend's daughter was having a hard time, she was really nervous and just not sure. She asked Abby going in if she would hold her hand this morning that she was nervous and abs replied yeah, sure and off they went to face the new class. Proud of all the kids I know who started school this last week, they are all so smart and capable.

Friday night

2011-09-02T21:04:00.000-07:00

Tonight was one of those nights that just worked out without any planning. I LOVE IT!
I got to see Hannah, which these days is far in between visits because lives are just that busy. Tonight she called said she is going to be in town for dinner and it worked, the kids and i went and saw all these people that we care about, the kids playing all together and two babies- in-bellies (maybe 3) we don't know yet. it was super sweet and one of those beautiful sunny nights. All I felt was gratefullness that all those years ago we got put in the same P.E. class and that was all we needed- couldn't get us apart after that. Love you Han.

Wes's bday pictures

2011-08-02T21:12:00.000-07:00

I love his face in this as we're all singing to him, like he's trying not to smile but sooo pleased.

The Gang

Taking a break at Grandma's house

In the tub with his beloved tractor

Just before bed, Wes and I. I can't believe he's 2 already.

Little Wes is 2

2011-07-26T22:19:00.000-07:00

Today is the end of your day sweet boy. I can't believe you are 2 at the same time it seems as if we've always had you. It took such a long time for you to finally get here and i don't mean the birth, although that did take a long time, too. I mean the time between your sister and you. We went through alot in those six years, not knowing if you would ever be. I wondered if we should get pregnant you guys being so far apart and also with the cancer if it was a good idea to go through the hormone storm- the oncologists said no. But in the back of my head or in the very middle of me I knew you were there, just waiting around until the time was right. I didn't know if you would be a boy or girl, didn't much care, but i knew you were. I thank all the support I have around me for helping me be brave and not scared of getting pregnant and going forward with life. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
And now for what you are like at 2. Wessy you are loud just like your sissy was and still is. You love being outside, clothes or no, playing in the dirt with your cars, tractors, or trucks, talking to the dogs and throwing their sticks, going out to see "hi" or Grandma. You are the most in love with Tractors right now and your sister. Poor Abs can't get very far away from you and you are saying her name over and over until you see her. You of course want everything she has and her room- we are working on boundaries we all can live with. Sometimes you listen about touching her things and are gentle and other times you just want to throw everything around and crash things together to see if they break. You are so lovey, snuggy, and huggable. You are getting close to potty training but not quite there yet. You are still sensitive to dairy food but we are finding some things you can tolerate, hoping that you grow out of that. You pull all the tires off of almost every little tractor or truck you have. Often i still find you with your head on the floor, a tractor in your hand, your knees tucked up under you making that noise as you watch the tractor tires moving along the carpet. You still like to go on walks in the stroller and we just changed your bed to a real bed on the floor, away with the crib. Sleeping is still a challenge for sure. There are a thousand more things but this momma is so tired. You are growing up sweet boy and we love you to the moon and back. Thanks for being our littlest.

A Few

2011-07-24T20:06:00.000-07:00

Bathing in the sink- yeah summer dirt!

The newest addition to the yard!

Abby's aunt Jenny sent this to her from Germany. How to Train your Dragon mania! She didn't take it off for 3 days.

Remembering

2011-06-22T19:44:00.001-07:00

Trying my hardest to remember what it is like to be little and full of energy and ideas when its getting close to bedtime. What it is like to be so damn loud.What it is like to throw your head back and laugh until your belly hurts, like my two are doing.Instead I am feeling tired ....tired....tired.... and wishing for quiet and that they would magically put themselves to bed. I'm trying to remember how to be patient and nice for that matter.Maybe i'm jealous of them having no agenda, how free their little spirits are, that they don't have a to -do list that never ends, that they can run around naked from one end of the house to the other post bath time and laugh hysterically. Just trying to remember what its like and finding it hard.

Eclipsing and Full

2011-06-15T06:52:00.000-07:00

Today a Lunar Eclipse and a Full Moon.

Watch Out!!!

A Few

2011-05-21T09:48:00.000-07:00

Mt. Baker

Abby as Hermione for StoryBook character at her school. So sweet and she's almost done reading the 2nd book! So fun.

The sun, the yard, the grass, and the garden.

Cherrie trees in full

Oh the evening light. Lovely.

A Sunny Day- finally

2011-05-21T09:36:00.001-07:00

An afternoon on the boat, Wes's first sail being able to walk around. It was a bit nerve racking but he did pretty good. He wanted to drive the boat of course!

Taking a break, really does it get any easier than this. Rigorous chore regime starting soon so he doesn't get accustomed to this sort of life, right? ha. maybe we can wait a few more months. :)

Abby the sailor

Momma and Wes, this pic is an attempt to show my new nose ring but you can barely see it. A trip to Seattle with the girls, Capitol Hill and the Laughing Buddha produced this, LOVE IT!!

Mothers Day at La Push

2011-05-09T21:54:00.000-07:00

I woke up on Mothers Day to the waves breaking, the sun shining, breakfast made in the camper by Joe, some surfing (not by me yet), kids laughing and screaming, and a grey whale breaching straight up into the air maybe 4 times. I was so excited i was seriously yelling to complete strangers to watch for the whale. From the neighbor campers who come every mothers day, they say that the whales always show themselves for mothers day. She was beautiful. I'm sure it was a female giving a shout out to all us mama's on the beach. Love. Love. Love.

Abigail 8 yrs. climbing as usual on all the driftwood at la push. I overhear her telling another girl how to climb up, her asking, "well, have you ever climbed trees before, its just like that." We got to camp by some people with kids her age so she was in play heaven, making fairy houses in the woods, climbing and riding bikes around.

Wessy at 21 months. His favorite thing to do is poke his hands in the sand and get a fist full of those tiny little rocks and put it right on his head, or yours if you're close. That belly laugh though is worth all that sand in your hair.

Thanks my babies for making me a momma.

A Bit

2011-04-25T17:31:00.000-07:00

" If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; This you have the power to revoke at any moment."

-Marcus Aurelius

Some Easter discussion at the Schroeder household....

Abby: Mom you just have to tell me, are you guys filling the Easter baskets or the Easter bunny?
Me: Some round about discussion ensues about are there things we believe in that we can't see and that ultimately it is her choice whether she wants to believe in the Easter bunny or not.
Abby: My friend at school today mom they don't do Easter because they aren't Christians. So the Easter bunny doesn't give baskets to people who aren't Christians, what is THAT about mom?
Me: after a big deep breath a discussion about the religious holiday vs. consumerism and what that means. Good Lord its only Monday?

However, said 8 yr old did made us dinner tonight- Tuna Melts with only a bit of help from mom
and she also got her own sliver out with a needle and tweezers without even one tear.... and those who know my girl well, THAT is a big deal. :) She's growing up i'm afraid. Can't she just be 8 forever?

Some Pics

2011-04-06T12:58:00.000-07:00

The comments are all messed up but you get the drift. No energy to fix it. :) Ferry trip on the way home from Seattle Abs and Joe up in the Space Needle- this picture I feel like Abs is looking so old! :( Ready to go swimming Mama! Wessy's favorite spot in the hotel watching all the cars and announcing every truck that went by!! Stormy outside on the ferry Abby's Rat grave- need I say more? Morning Sun and the porch. Finally.

A Few

2011-03-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

Dirty Bit....

2011-03-17T12:54:00.000-07:00

Inspired by the Black Eyed Peas.... the nitty gritty of late.

Screaming boy of 19 months at the dinner table, not wanting to eat but to "make" things with all of our food. Too much Iron chef perhaps??? a little boy who wants to do everything his sister is doing, wants to be on her top bunk to play with all the little stuff he wrecks, albeit not on purpose just "messes up" per Abby.

Also a sweet little boy who loves to run around naked after his bath, who last night made his sound- ceeekkkhhh (his noise for anything gross, garbage, poop, whatever) which meant he had to go to the bathroom- he ran in and peed on the potty instead of the floor- horray! who LOVES to be outside getting wet, running his trucks around, taking walks to the shop to sit on every tractor seat available- you should see the smile.

Fairy houses, play dates here and there, in the car with Mumford and Sons playing, videos being made by Abs of her and her brother/friends, the sun coming out along with the rain/hail and wind, garden beds getting trimmed back, birds chirping, everything so green, appreciating nap time and oh the quiet, reading, breathing, stretching and gymnastic practice in the living room, feeling like there isn't enough time for everything, or enough energy, or enough......

Also some yelling and apologizing, some hugging and appreciating. This journey is so wild at times and also so blissfully simple. Look up today and see the sky. Love. Love.

2011-03-17T12:52:00.000-07:00

Love this....

Dreaming

2011-03-03T21:56:00.000-08:00

I don't have much to say but to share this picture.

I am thinking about how it sounds, how it feels to be there, how it smells like the sea and sand and every little organic thing. Big sigh..........

In Peace She Went

2011-02-26T16:54:00.000-08:00

My sweet grandma Katie died yesterday at 96 yrs old with basically nothing wrong with her but just being old. She was born in 1914 in Ohio and had a crush on my grandfather when she sat behind him in 7th grade. They ended up getting married in Sequim, she lived in the same house when she married until she couldn't live by herself anymore and went to a local assisted living place. She was amazingly aware at the end, responding to us just 2 days before she passed away. She was so tough..... anyone that knew her loved her joking spirit and how she said thanks for everything all the time.

I have so many memories of her growing up until now. She loved us all so much.

She always was happy to see you at her house, would always try and feed you and no matter when you stopped by she always always had homemade cookies in the cookie jar.

- thousands of ping pong games in the rec room

-having a giant drawer of flour and sugar for baking and letting me measure things out

-trying to teach me how to bowl- her sitting down in huff shaking her head with a smile on her face after probably my 5th gutter ball. " I don't know what you are doing, I can't help you."

-When all of us were in college and missing home late at night we all knew to call her because she would be awake and happy to hear from us.

-We always had huge family dinners at her house, her basically making all the food, a long table full of people and she made the BEST fried chicken.

-When Anthony and I got to spend the night at her house and we were supposed to go to bed, we would stay up laughing and not going to sleep. She never got mad at us just at some point would open the door and tell us it was time to sleep and we would zonk out.

- She made oatmeal with evaporated milk and lot of sugar and let us pick what we wanted for lunch. My brother usually picked peanut butter and honey and I usually picked chicken noodle soup.

-She and my grandpa loved to play cards I remember being little enough and sitting on their lap and watching them play with their friends trying to figure out how they shuffled the cards so well and how they played the game. Soon they taught us.

-She loved my kids. I remember sitting on the couch feeding Abby with her sitting right by me leaning into me and patting her bottom while we rocked saying how beautiful she was.

-Even in the nursing home when it was hard for her to remember my kids, Wes and I would come in to see her and she would say how big and strong he was and how beautiful. He loved to go see her, he would try and brush her hair and always wanted to touch her face. He didn't do that with anyone else.

-Abby remembers going to visit her at Sherwood, sitting on her floor drawing pictures in a tablet kept there for her while we visited.

If I can manage to walk through this world with half the dignity and grace that my grandmother and mother have I will be lucky.

No sleep

2011-02-16T20:28:00.001-08:00

So many many things swimming around in my head, a head that is hurting from no caffeine today. I am so tired, these children won't sleep all night. We all are so tired, except Wes of course he's rarin' to go.

He went to the bathroom on his potty tonight and gave me a high five for it.

I told him tonight as he was drinking his milk to go to sleep that his mama was really tired, that he needed to stop waking up and just sleep all night. Think it will work? Trying to rationalize with a 19 mo. old probably isn't the best tactic, ughgh.

Maybe soon we'll just have to let him yell and figure it out...

double ughghh....

Happy 8th Abby

2011-02-07T13:58:00.000-08:00

Abby's birthday card from her Papa- for a girl who loves dragons so much, isn't this sooo awesome! Love you Joe.

On the way to Great Wolf Lodge. Actually I think this is them in the driveway waiting for us to get the car packed. :)

After hours in the waterpark, a tired, hungry but super happy boy. :)

Abs up her Wolf Den bed- top bunk with all her Webkinz who made the trip with her.

The way home, ice cream on her face, a smile, Wessy saying "cheeeese," which he apparently can't do without closing his eyes. :)

Happy Happy 8th birthday my girl. A joint family birthday party with her uncle Ben, a cake she designed her self- a dragon of course. Then off to Great Wolf Lodge which is a crazy, wild indoor waterpark. Lots of work for the parents but tons of fun for these kiddos and the parents too, actually. I was totally screaming going backwards on the tube while Abby was laughing her head off, having already been down it a few times with Joe. :) Managing the water with the crowd not many pics were taken, bummer but you can't do it all. A few pictures i wish I had is Wessy being in the wave pool hanging on and all grins in the waves and walking straight into the waves, getting bowled over and going right back for more. Abs's and Joe's face when she got off the Alberta Falls waterslide, her jumping up and down after going on her first few slides she was so excited, her winning 250 tickets at the arcade playing straight ice ball and few basketball games, and of course Joe standing right in the area where a giant bucket with 1,000 gallons of water dumps right on your head- all smiles and that laugh.
Abby you are growing up so quickly. When you turned 7 i felt so excited but 8 makes me feel a little melancholy. There are times when you are completely mature and charming and those other times that you can still seem 5 at best. I love all of you girl.

The Potty

2011-01-22T14:43:00.000-08:00

Just now Abby is reading to Wes while he sits on the potty and tries to pee.
Is it possible that she will do the potty training.
Wow, who knew?

2011-01-22T09:43:00.000-08:00

A ride on the new ferry the Chetzemoka, Port Townsend to Whidbey Island and back.

Love this photo of Abby cracking up

Sweetie boy Wes with his long hair. Hair cut on the calendar for next weekend. He's going to look so grown up. :(

Abs and I

Full

2011-01-20T14:02:00.000-08:00

At our house last night. So lovely.

Last night

2011-01-19T16:13:00.000-08:00

Last night Abs in the tub.
Abs: Momma, I think i want to go to Ireland. maybe live there.
me: sounds good baby, then i can visit. Maybe you could go to college there.
Abs: yeah, that would be cool.
-somehow it came up about having to pay for college
me: how i did it was try to get really good grades in school so i could get a scholarship that paid for it. otherwise you don't go or you get loans to pay and then you pay it back.
Abs: ohh... so that is how you do it.
me: we are lucky because you have a farm across the street to that you can work all summer to earn money when you get bigger and can run the tractors.
Abs: yeah... i really want to do that. but mom I don't really want to get any older because working all the time seems hard. Can't the world just stop growing right now and we could all just stay this old? Then Wessy would be cute forever!
me: he will still be cute when he's older just like you are and no Wessy has to get bigger so his momma can stop chasing him around.
And we laughed. Then she went on splashing the water out of the tub because she is being all crazy and me getting mad at her for getting water all over (happens almost every tub she takes.) Funny how there are little moments of vision and then you snap back into life and the moment is gone.
I just want to be able to look back and remember.

Today I walked for more than an hour with the sun on me the whole time....ahhhhhh.

2011-01-13T12:23:00.000-08:00

Joe and I heading out on New Years Eve in Portland to find the Aladdin Theatre to see Brandi Carlile. We ate at a tiny place called Tastebuds, started with coffee and ended with a dessert which cannot be named it was that good. We stood in line in the seriously freezing weather and got in. At one point I was only three people away from the stage- can i just say she is so awesome!! We had a great time and horray for 24hrs away. :)

Our sweet tree in the snow
Abs doing snow angels on the driveway with barely enough snow.
Mr. Snowman
Sweetie kids watching the snowplow

Leaving...

2010-12-30T22:53:00.000-08:00

Liam- won't quite do a real smile at this stage - 3 yrs old :)

Luke- a week away from being 5 yrs old. :)

My brother, Jenny and the boys left today to start their Portugal adventure. They were able to be here for a few weeks- time to just be, have dinners, play games and more games, hug, laugh and wrestle with those boys. Abby got some great cousin time in, even had Luke for his first spend the night at our house, right before he turns 5. It was really hard to say goodbye I love them so much. Passport applications were mailed today though, in hopes that we get on that plane and fly ourselves to Portugal to see them in the next few years. I can't wait to hear about their adventures of finding a house, learning the culture, about the markets, and the boys' Portugese school. I can't wait to hear about the bars, the food, and the wine that everyone says is fantastic, the beach, and mostly the people- what they are like and how lovely they are. I can't wait to see you there.

2010-12-29T21:46:00.000-08:00

Christmas Day 2010
Christmas Pajamas!! Finally he is awake so we can open stockings!!
Sleepy Wes and I on Christmas Day

The Snow

2010-11-27T14:59:00.000-08:00

Thinking to myself and wondering just how many more years i have to be taller than Abs- not many.

Wessy trying not to fall on the slippery snow- his tongue must help!

Joe and Wes looking all good. :)

Love This....

2010-11-23T16:23:00.000-08:00

November Snow!

2010-11-23T07:22:00.000-08:00

The sledding crew- Cousin heaven!
Jake, Abby, Angelina, Luke and Liam.

Wessy all suited up to go out. Had his first sled down the bunny hill. Once down with Jake and once with his momma!

Happy Happy

2010-11-21T18:40:00.000-08:00

A full moon and snow today. Funny how birthdays go.... another day, sweet phone calls

and messages, a dinner with my family. Friends coming over

for hugs.... how it used to be about gifts when you were young

but as you get older you see the true gifts are just the people themselves with their

arms around you tight, their smiles reflecting yours.

Today

2010-11-18T20:23:00.000-08:00

Today the sun was sought, cookies were made, long naps had by the littlest.

A few jobs are more complete, the floor is semi-clean, and baths were taken.

I smiled more and I just didn't feel as heavy.

The fire crackling, the fish tank bubbling, Joe reading to Abby, and the moon comes out again...goodnight.

These Days

2010-11-17T12:10:00.000-08:00

It feels quiet in the blog world for me. Hard to write when things feel unsettled.
I feel like some days its all i can do to get through... laundry, tired kids, tired parents, feeding people.
Maybe its the light going away here, or the weather getting colder, hormones getting crazier.
In the middle of me I go from unsettled to full anxiety it seems.
I'm trying to work on myself... ways that i can find reprieve from my chattering brain.
I'm trying to eat a little better and sleep a little more.
I'm trying...

2010-11-17T11:54:00.000-08:00

Our genie/belly dancing girl on Halloween

Wessy jumping out of the rocking chair

"Abs, will you go pick some beets?"

"Sure mom."

Yeah... Papa is home!

Wessy

2010-11-09T16:02:00.001-08:00

This morning Joe brought Wes into bed as he was leaving for work.
Wessy says, (high pitched) "hiiieeee Mama."
sweet.

beautiful

2010-10-30T09:58:00.000-07:00

A bit sad for Saturday morning but its so beautiful.

Orcas Island

2010-10-20T11:57:00.001-07:00

A trip to Orcas Island for out 10th anniversary.

So lovely.

10 years...

Our sweet little cabin near Deer Harbor

The view from the cabin out to the water.

Looking West

Goodbye Orcas... hopefully we will see you again soon.

How do you write about 10 years together, a whole lifetime since we walked down the grass aisle in the field. Strange how it seems like so long ago and yesterday at the same time.

A few days of just us.... so nice.

ER and Fairies

2010-10-10T19:54:00.000-07:00

He is fine, after a trip to the ER with a really high fever and what i learned are myclonic seizures. Apparently they can be totally normal when you have a high fever like your nervous system is irritable. It was a bit scary for momma with his fever so high and this jerking, calls to the doc on call at midnight and of course it would be on a night Joe was working nights. He was super brave having to get a urine specimen and blood work, the ER doc said he just had a virus, that we were to just treat the symptoms. After a second night of little sleep and being covered in vomit this morning he is finally looking better, playing, smiling with no fever left. This is the first time he's really been sick, ughgh i hate it. Hoping we all sleep like rocks tonight.

Tonight in the bathroom while Wessy was taking a tub.

Abby: Momma did you know that there is a Wessy fairy?

Me: What do you mean?

Abby: I mean there is a fairy inside of Wessy, its his soul.

Me: Like there is a fairy with wings and everything inside him?

Abby: Yes, exactly.

Me: Wow, i really like that, that means maybe when each of us die our soul fairy gets to keep living and playing.

Abby: Yeah, that is what i think anyway.

There are times as a parent that you are able to separate yourself from this "job" as being responsible for their safety, morals, and general upbringing and are able to just see them for their own people and how magical they truly are.

Soul Fairies, I think its brilliant.

Awhile

2010-10-03T20:32:00.000-07:00

Us girls heading down the road to the corn field to pick some fresh corn for dinner. Yes the girls purposely got lost and then wanted found quickly. One of those perfect sunny fall weekend days. hmmmm.

Abs at La Push- a day trip to see some stormy waves. I love that we have been coming here since she was tiny, that this place will be part of her.

Little Wes looking at the water

Abs and Joe at Rialto Beach.

Starting to feel like Fall

2010-09-12T15:21:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite sunflowers growing in the garden right now.

One of the pumpkins starting to get orange!!

Soccer has started. She has the same coach she has had for the last 3 years and she is thrilled. Another cool thing- they have numbers this year and she got my old number "7."

Little Wes standing up when he is supposed to be eating- knowing he is being a stinker and apparently loving it. Great.....

1st Day

2010-09-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

Happy 1st day of 2nd grade!! back to 5 acre opening ceremonies complete with singing, circle dancing, introducing all the kids AND bagpipes.... sweet..sweet...sweet and one girl with this grin on her face the whole time.

2010-09-07T08:11:00.000-07:00

As I watched her, I understood why a mother would starve herself to feed a baby; how there was always time and room for a child to curl close to her side; how she could be soft enough to serve as a pillow and strong enough to move heaven and earth.
- Jodi Picoult from the Plain Truth

Thanks Hannie for the book, i loved it. I also had a hard time putting it down. Was reading with one hand and making coffee with the other, walking around the house putting laundry away and reading. :) hehe.

The Rain

2010-09-06T14:09:00.001-07:00

A quiet day at home today, all of us home. I got to go running for the first time in a couple months probably, it was hard. Always baffles me that i can run 13 miles and don't run for a month or so and 3 miles feels hard. ughgh, back at the start again. I came and got Wes to walk the last mile, him in the stroller. It was barely sprinkling when we started out, the air warm. On our way back it really started pouring rain. I love it when it rains hard like that, tipped my head back, smiling and stuck my tongue out to catch the water. I put the cover over his stroller so he wouldn't get soaked but he kept pushing it back. He wanted to be in the rain, too. His body was all still and at the end he just looked up at me and smiled the biggest smile, with his hair soaking wet and barefeet sticking out. Times when you see something of yourself in them so clearly, makes your chest so tight for all the love you feel.

La Push 2010

2010-09-05T14:24:00.000-07:00

As a kid I remember these vacations with other families, tons of kids playing all day. We had our first mini- vacation like that out at La Push for 4 days. The weather was perfect, everyone in the water, wet-suits and boogie boarding, sharing meals, campfires, kids playing all day, and tons of laughing and just "being." horray!

The pictures never do this justice

Sunset under the Yates' awning.

Us girls and two of the "littles"

Joe and Wes hanging out up on the rocks. If Wes was on the sand he seemed to just make a b-line for the water. hmmmm... his papa's son? :)

Wes thought the long board was pretty cool.

The big kids the first night we got there. They couldn't stand it, eventually they all got wet even though it was basically night.

Eating dinner at the campsite. 6 adults, 9 kids and 3 motorhomes. Sooo much fun.

Whaaat we have to go home...? well as long as I can drive!

2010-08-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

Wessy at La Push

Brrrrrr.... putting on cold- still wet, wet suits in the morning to go surfing.

Abs in her driftwood

Morning at La push

Alex, Jerry, Joe and Abs on the beach

Evening

2010-08-15T19:33:00.000-07:00

Here at the computer, the evening hits. My face lit up by the sun through the window.
One baby asleep, the other occupied, the house is so quiet.
2 days at the river in a row, Wes flinging his body back to rest his head in my hand when i ask him, did you see the trees? aaahhhh, Kinkaid.
Out the window right now the water bright blue and all still.
Time for a night walk, how could you not go?

And You are 1

2010-08-02T16:31:00.000-07:00

How can it be that it has been a whole year?

How can it be that it seems you have always been here and also that it was yesterday that you were born?

How can it be that in one year you went from sleeping most of your days to eating, yelling, and exploring most of your days?

You have shifted the dynamic of our family for the better, more balanced.

Your sister loves you to no end but is starting to feel you asserting your will- she is strong and so are you, i'm sure some battles are ahead of us.

A bit about you at 1.

- You love, love, love being outside. You sit by the sliding glass door, you cry if anyone goes out and doesn't take you with them. Outside you love riding Jobe's 4 wheeler, the tricycle, using any tools you see around, digging in the dirt in general exploring.

- You are LOUD, just like your sister. I don't know how it is that we have such loud children but i suspect you are just trying to compete with your sister to be heard.

- You like to eat most anything but you don't like your highchair.

- You love your sister's room and everything in it.

- You love to go wake your sister up in the morning as you are usually awake first.

- You are the only way i could get your sister awake without a fight for school during the year, as if it was you waking her she would wake up happy.

-You are walking and sometimes trying to run.

- You are a treasure, a gift to all of us, and we love you like crazy.

Happy Birthday Wes!

2010-07-22T15:52:00.000-07:00

Raspberry jam made by 9am, a hard morning with a 7 year old that has the attitude of a 14 year old at times, not liking to say no to fun things, feeling like i have to have my thumb on her all day- hashing it out. Lunch out on a sand pile, both kids "helping" their grandma Kali on the sand- Abs all proud that she got to help on the real pile not her makeshift one on the side. Some management and errands but also some sweet quiet time in the middle of the day and a really good book. A girl right now laughing that belly laugh that i love so much while her brother is trying to fall down on purpose and laughing, crawling all fast like he does when he is having fun. The sun is out and the day is only half over, a big breath comes out of me.

Little Forever

2010-07-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

We are in the hammock in the evening a few days ago- talking about Wes's birthday coming up.

Abby: Momma, wouldn't it be cool if we could do some sort of magic and make it so Wes never got any bigger than he is right now. Mom, he is so cute. I'm going to miss his little sounds he makes when he starts saying real words. Maybe i could have that magic too and just get to be a kid forever, maybe i would wait until i was 10 to do it because i think its going to be really cool when i'm 10.

Last night as we were heading to bed she wanted me to pick her up and carry her to brush her teeth.

Momma: Abby i'm too tired, you're too big.

Abs: Don't say that momma. I never want to get any bigger. I mean i want to have birthdays, of course..., but i don't want to get any taller and i want my voice to be the same.

My sweet girl, you are a gem.

Some Pics

2010-07-15T19:11:00.000-07:00

The super cheesy grin I've been trying to catch on film. Ha- I got it.

The kids at salt creek in the raft.

The boys' early morning swim on Joe's birthday.

Joe and Wes doing some work. :) Wes loves the tractor- he is all still and in his observation mode.

Alex and Jerry when they got here for the summer!!

Horray for no school and barefeet

2010-07-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

Summertime....summertime. Finally.

2010-07-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

The kiddos braving the water at Lake Crescent, cold but beautiful!

Luigi, Asha, and Ethan up at Hurricaine Ridge, some hiking and sun.

The end of the week. Joe, Asha, and Kali

The cousins. Jeremiah, Keelee, Alex, and Chelsea

Abs took this picture of Keelee and Wes, so beautiful.

Vacation vacation

2010-07-12T08:34:00.001-07:00

What a week we had. The hottest weather of the year, trips to the punch bowl and turquoise water. Salt creek, surfing, great food, walking back and forth from Asha'a house she rented to ours, soooo nice. We got to go kayaking in the bay as the sun was going down, the water all glass, the frogs croaking and the quiet- oh how quiet. Tents in the yard along with slip in slides, pools, and squirt guns. We had a party on the 4th for Joe, bad weather but everyone still came and by the evening the sun was out. We got to show them Port Townsend and they hiked around Hurricaine Ridge. Late nights, nice talks, lots of laughing and Terets. Cars full of teenagers and all the entertainment that that brings as well as sweet young kids, Abs and Ethan playing all week together- mostly they ran and laughed. We had the Payesko kids and Angelina to make the 6-8 yr old pack of kids bigger and tons of fun. We loved having you all, thanks everyone for the week, for the memories and all the sweet hugs and love. We really have such an amazing family.

Running

2010-06-30T21:41:00.000-07:00

This is off Court's phone from facebook, not sure how to make it look normal. But here is us after the run, happy happy we are done!!

Pre-race shoes and numbers, ready.

So for the bit of grumbling i did about this race being a bit of a pain, the training was harder to find time for, didn't feel like i ran enough, a separate trip to Seattle for the registration, (WTF), and all that goes into leaving overnight by myself, to say the least it seemed like alot. But... when we finally got to the start, looking at a sea of people doing this, that all went away and I just felt where i was. I was lucky enough to be running with my niece in a half marathon. The conditions were perfect, the course- freeways shut down, running through tunnels and next to lake Washington. Running by people of every race, color, kids, mom's/dad's, grandparents, people holding US flags with people's names on them, all sorts of people cheering everyone on, didn't matter if they knew you or not. I saw moms walking with daughters holding hands the whole way, lots of women running with other women- laughing, talking, and encouraging each other along, couples running together, kids joining their moms for a bit of the way and then yelling that they loved them and back they went to the next cheering spot. I saw many people with names and pictures of people on their back that they were running for, people who had died of cancer. Mostly though, for that morning there were 27,000 people running or walking for something bigger than themselves, a whole morning where that many people in one place all had feelings of goodwill, everyone smiling and feeling empowered after they were finished. When we came out of the tunnel and saw Safeco and Qwest field I was endorphin high and basically had goosebumps until the end. Thanks everyone so much for helping me get all those runs in at home, thanks Cass for deciding to do it with me, to Court and Dawn for letting us crash at your house and for braving the morning race traffic/policemen, to Kali and Joe for hanging with the kids all those times so i could run. I could not have done it without any of you. And to end the story of the previous post, yes, the strep throat did get me but i'm on the mend!

5:42

2010-06-26T05:42:00.000-07:00

Well.... here goes nothing. The rock and roll half marathon this morning. Seattle is overcast which is fantastic for this runner, Cass's pre-race mix is on, we have directions to the start, we are set. Stay strong knee and the strep throat that is trying to get me, just wait for 5 more hours, then you can have me. Woot-woot!!

Thurs Nite

2010-06-24T19:23:00.000-07:00

Exciting week here. First week out of school and the weather is actually nice.
Warm nights and days, the hammock is up, and the most exciting thing.....
The big boys are here for the summer from N.Carolina and we are so happy to see them.
Abby is totally excited and they are great with her, watching Bambi II right now with her down in Kali's house. We have been laughing a lot since they came, they are bigger and have lost a little boyish-ness but mostly they are the same sweet boys. It makes me look at Wes differently, a quick glimpse forward how it might be with a teenage boy in the house. It makes me smile at the same time hug Wes closer, it goes so quick really. Spent the morning in Seattle with Wes on my back, a quick few minutes with Han as she walked me back to the ferry.
And finally, the question of the day: If you had a week, what would you do?

Amazing

2010-06-18T20:20:00.000-07:00

Any of you that have the opportunity to see this movie, do it. Thank you Anna and Kristy for going, thank you husbands for holding down the fort for a short notice trip to Port townsend, and thank you sweet Rose Theatre for having it and for being one of my favorite places to be.

Gratitude

2010-06-18T20:11:00.000-07:00

A busy day of work that felt good- like I actually helped some mom's today and got to see some really sweet babies.
The sun all warm when we got home, we just stayed outside, talked to the neighbor, Wes in his diaper and t-shirt.
Joe changing the sprinklers, taking care of the fields with Wes on his back.
Abs and I reading in the sun on the porch.
Dinner that i didn't have to cook delivered- we ate on the porch with the sun and breeze on our faces and watched the sprinklers- such a nice sound.
The water tonight all bright blue, calm, with so many birds flying.
Ahhhhh.........

Sunday

2010-06-13T20:34:00.000-07:00

Abby really wanted this one on here. This is Wes's disappointed face.

Wes thinking he's big stuff riding his little 4 wheeler.

Abs with her snake named Sam. Sam was in a cage for maybe 10 minutes, then released to the wild potato patch.

Performances

2010-06-10T21:40:00.000-07:00

Our girl had her gymnastics performance tonight, she was so excited. It is one of the sweetest rewards i think as parents, to watch your kids do well in something that they are really into, to watch them be successful.
Lots of work for Joe this week and little sleep all around.
It is basic i know..... i just hope for sleep tonight.
And that everyone i love is safe.

2010-05-28T19:35:00.001-07:00

Friday night after crappy sleep, and a day of work.
Yummy turkey from mom making the house all cozy, movies, Wes asleep after some major
fussiness- him chewing on everything, including me and getting in trouble. The house quiet, the beginning of a long weekend that is low on plans.
Good news at Seattle cancer care, clear tests after 2 years with baby and breastfeeding.
7 year old being the DJ in the kitchen while i cook dinner, making her brother laugh and dance.
Notes that say "I love you" waiting in my car for me, coffee with half and half.
So amazing really.

Tonight

2010-05-18T20:30:00.001-07:00

What we got planted tonight in addition to getting the pumpkins and squash plants in the ground!

Abs in the light

Our art project for the evening, all the markers ready for planting veggies, so exciting!!!

2010-05-18T09:08:00.000-07:00

Abs showing Jakob something- isn't he soo cute?

Abs and Jakob inspecting their holes from shooting the bb gun.

Mark and Joe with their littlests.

Abs, Jakob and Sarah- we had such a good visit with the Watson's- thanks for making the trip, for the laughs and the time. Love ya!

Some Recents

2010-05-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

Wessy in one of his favorite spots- in front of the window watching the dogs and generally willing the door to open so he can go out in his beloved "outside."

Abs organizing her bookshelf- was getting to the point that we were nervous about Wes being by it as he might be totally covered with books should said pile fall.

In the kitchen

Wes and I in the camper. :)

Intention

2010-05-17T12:32:00.000-07:00

So.... i'm typing on the laptop that has been MIA for a few months due to some wireless network security problem that i couldn't figure out. Today one call to olypen and problem fixed in seriously less than 1 minute..... and i've been dreading dealing with it knowing how much time on the phone this was going to take. I love it when THAT kind of prediction is wrong. Lesson: ok to ask for help and not try to figure it out by yourself.... what????

Joe said this morning, I can't believe its May 17th already, what is happening?
Time is marching, marching right on whether we like it or not. There has been a lot going on, tons of working for Joe, a new lawnmower and a renewed vigor for mowing this crazy spring grass, trips to magical kinkaid island, on-call weekends, putting my sweet horse Sage down, weekend visitors, complicated work situations taking so much mental energy, dinners with good friends and finally this weekend a trip to the beach in the motor home. Feels like we've been wanting/trying to get camping for a month.

At the beach... kids screaming, laughing, boogie boarding, surfing, burying in mud, lotioning and wetsuiting, tidepooling, fallng, hiking, barefooting, night beaching, calvadosing, stargazing, sunseting, eating, cooking, napping, laughing more, knowing, loving and a bit of missing.

My word for this post is Intention. When so many things are unknown in this life, why things happen the way they do... all we can control is ourselves (most days) and how we chose to be and to see. My goal is to have more intention, to really be where i am, not 2 steps ahead. To live each day and at the end know that it has been enough. I'm holding you up auntie RoJean and thinking about you, sending so much love your way.

a better day

2010-05-04T19:09:00.000-07:00

Today i got to run 6 miles in the sunshine with Cass.
Wes slept for almost 2 hrs so was actually able to get some things done and even have some quiet time for me.
Abby has lately been trying to perfect farting with her hand in her armpit- i never remember wanting to perfect this but whatever.. she is her own girl. So on the way home from school she is armpit farting, cracking up, and making Wes belly laugh. The kind of laugh that when you hear you have to laugh, too. aahhhhh. :) Really 9 month old boys even think farting is funny?

Lately

2010-04-27T14:16:00.000-07:00

Lately i'm surprised at how much anger comes out of me at times.

Most of you know i'm quick to cry but rarely get angry.

I think a huge portion of it is basic lack of sleep, at this point with Abby- maybe 10 months old i said i was done waking up so much, the point at which we let her cry to go back to sleep and in three days she went from waking up every 2 hrs. to sleeping for 8 at a time. Maybe this is my tipping point. Wes is doing much better than Abs did though, maybe it affects me more because i'm older.

I am angry that i had cancer and all that it took away from me.

I am angry that every year i have to go have tests and then wait..wait.. to hear a) you have cancer again and have to go through it all again or b) you are fine, relax, breathe easy and come back in a year. (yeah... so easy for them to say)

I am angry that i had to have a mastectomy.... i hate surgery i don't want to do reconstruction but at times i do.

I am angry that this sweet boy has to drink from a bottle and not his mama.

I am angry that i almost ran out of his formula, the store was out of the kind we use, the amazon shipment late. angry at myself for cutting it that close. Angry that he has to have formula at all.

Unfortunately, as anger does, it comes out in other ways- mostly at the people close to you, and really it has nothing to do with them. I'm sorry Joe and Abs, I love you so much.

I always hesitate to post these type of posts from me, the ultimate optimist, but oh well but the people that read this will love me anyway in all my forms, i'm so lucky. Love you all.

Wow- the 300th post!!

2010-04-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

Abby, Z, and Bubba after picking up trash at Oyster Beach.

Happy Earth Day 2010!! may we all remember and that really its everyday we get to be here.

2010-04-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

and they do

if everyone who ever walked this path before
or went before us, or came after
all walked this

anyone we ever needed, all the ancestors, the progeny
anyone who ever made our life meaningful,
the person who wore the red ski cap on the bus
that led us to that poem about minds on fire,
anyone who ever needed a word shared, a poem,
a hug, anyone who ever
took something we were or created and folded it belly deep into themselves

if all of them walked with us now
(and they do)
if all of them walked with us now
we would know this path is never lonely
(sometimes even crowded)
and often crowded

if all of them walked with us now
(and they do)
we would never feel lost
never be alone

if all of them walked with us now
(and we do)

Marna 2008 from We-Moon 2010

2010-04-16T22:49:00.000-07:00

Today was an 8 out of 10 on the heaviness scale. Really?
I'm done with this week, you can have it.
4:45 am was so long ago. I'm done.

Found

2010-04-13T21:37:00.000-07:00

Laying down with Abby to sleep tonight we heard the patter of a crawling little boy, still awake after a late nap. He came and found us, pushed open the door to Abby's room and raced over to the bed. He did his happy scream/squeal that he does- " Yes, I knew they were in here!"

An emotional day today, glad this one is over.

Sweeties

2010-04-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

My recent favorite pics of our kids. Thanks Joe for taking them.

The Payesko's

2010-04-10T20:48:00.001-07:00

The Golden Gate

Wes taking a chow break under the aquarium

Michael and Joe

Esa and Celeste

Michael, Sarah, and Abby

Wes loved Mike.

The Santa Cruz Leg

2010-04-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

I have never been on this stretch of hwy 1. The sun was out after a few days of rain and the waves were up. It was breathtaking how beautiful.

Taking a break to look at the waves.

Wes and I on the beach the next morning, was a bit chilly.

Luke and Abs all snugged up in the hotel ready to watch a movie.

We were able to meet Anth, Jenny and the boys for a night in santa cruz.

The same cold day on the beach, Joe heading into the water.

Jobe and Mia

2010-04-10T20:19:00.000-07:00

I stole this pic from Tess's site. This is Jobe and Mia playing in the condensation on the window as the sun is going down. Seriously one of the most beautiful photos I've seen.

Love you guys!

A Few Stories

2010-04-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

Abby in the car just picked her up from school.
Abby: Momma can you pack me a plastic bag for my lunch so i can throw all my garbage away after i eat?
Me: Well I can but then you would be throwing a plastic bag away everyday when now you just put it all in the garbage. That is a lot of plastic bags to go in the landfill.
Abby: momma, what does reduce mean?
Me: It means using less than you currently do. Throwing away a plastic bag everyday would be the opposite of reducing.
Abby: Its OK momma, i don't really need one.

This 'tread lighter on the world' momma was smiling for sure.

Next story is about my grandma Katie who is almost 96 and living in an assisted care place.
She spends a lot of time laying down now, gets confused off and on, and now talks a lot with her eyes closed. So my mom comes in to see her.
Mom: Hi mom, how are you doing?
Gram: (eyes closed) I'm ok, I want a BEER!
Mom: (kind of chuckling) Oh yeah, that sounds good doesn't it.
Gram: (a little more forceful this time) I want a BEER.
Mom: Well mom, they don't have any here.
Gram: Well get some money out of my purse down there and go get some! (a command for sure)
Mom: Well, ok i'll be right back.
- mom goes to the corner store mid-morning to buy a six pack of beer- totally funny in itself that my mom is buying only a six pack before noon.
She gets back to Gram's room with the beer. By now Gram has totally forgotten that she asked for the beer, her eyes still closed.
Mom: Hi mom I got some beer for you.
Gram: Oh that sounds sooooo good.

So they sat in the nursing home mid day and cracked open a beer. So nice.

Together

2010-04-04T21:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Emergence, Spring, and Easter everyone!

Thanks momma for having us all at your house and for all the yummy food!!

Some pics

2010-03-29T17:01:00.000-07:00

A super quick visit with the Watson clan. Thanks for staying up so late with us and letting us crash. Hope Sunday wasn't too brutal.

Road entertainment, braiding her own hair, making up new hairstyles. We also told stories, Joe's about a horse named Petal. Abby's about kitten's she got from her friend Zoe's house, and mine about Zulu and Zeke and their love of donkeys.

Super smiley man, just waking up, really mom we're still driving, i'm still in this seat??

The lovely Mt. Shasta

Lake shasta where we stayed the night, wanted to get farther but Wes was DONE!

A pitstop in vacaville, we're close!

Part 1- Road Trip

2010-03-29T12:22:00.000-07:00

It seems there is tech difficulty at the moment with uploading pics so those are to come soon.
We made it down to San Francisco to Michael and Celeste's after 2 days driving. It is so nice to be here as we haven't been down for 4 years we figured out. Their house is lovely, all the plants have grown and look so amazing, lemons and oranges growing in their yard, fresh lemonade from tree ripened lemons, the big kids laughing and screaming having all sorts of fun. It's so relaxed, no pressure to do things, just to be. aaahhhh...

A thought from the car ride down.
We, as mothers, spend so much time wondering what we could have done differently as our kids are doing some ungodly behavior that makes us want to crawl away or explain somehow,
i should have been more consistent, i should i have been more mellow, i should have been stricter, more lenient, more. more. more.
And then there are times that you just look at your kids and it hits you how really perfect and beautiful they are, how they are really, really good kids and you get to think that maybe, just maybe you are doing it all right.

Another 1/2

2010-03-26T11:47:00.000-07:00

Alright, here we go. Now we have to kick it in gear!! Go Cassie! Where are you Tessa......????
http://seattle.competitor.com/

Today

2010-03-22T20:29:00.001-07:00

Today seemed so long but in the best sense.
Got some work done but was able to be in the sunshine and hold sweet bubba's hand while we looked at tractors, listening to him talk and talk.
Got to have tea in the middle of the day, sit in the grass, talk and eat Kale from the garden.
Saw a fantastic report card from Abs, so proud of her.
Took a walk down the road with Abby and Wes, Abby saved 3 salamanders- the kind with the bright orange bellies, one of them we think was pregnant her belly was BIG!
Then a little fire in the yard and marshmellows with Joe.
Abby pulled her hanging tooth out tonight so brave.
And now Wes is asleep, the house all quiet listening to Joe's voice reading a libary book to his girl.

2010-03-21T17:11:00.000-07:00

Wes watching me weed...

Yeah... Joe getting the garden ready!

Kali and Wes soaking up some sunshine.

Had my first sailing lesson, was a total blast.

time...time..time

2010-03-06T07:05:00.001-08:00

There are so many moments that you want to never forget
and sooo many moments you can't wait until you do forget. I wish there was
more time to write on here, that i could record more because i will forget when they are big these days when Wes is crawling around- his main goal to get anywhere he can stand up to. Right now he is crawling across the wood floor with a rice biscuit in his hand, it crunching a little as he motors across the floor and then stops to wave his arms around like he does when he's really happy and takes a few bites.
So Fridays are rough here, we all ended up going to sleep very early last night. Its the end of the week of school so abs is worn out, my full day of work at the hospital which for the last month has been slammed, often i'm the only nurse on and Joe is wiped from working like crazy. Last night my 7 yr old looked at me and told me how "annoying" i was when i didn't let her eat a granola bar right before dinner in which she promptly had to go to her room, her in a total meltdown, she ended up just going to sleep she was so tired. As pissed as i am in those moments i also think about how little she is still even though in comparison to Wes she is huge. In her tiredness when i asked really what was going on she said she misses us, that she doesn't know why she can't go to school for 1/2 day and be home for 1/2 day, that she loves recess but couldn't she just come home instead? This kiddo has a great day at school everyday when i pick her up and has some really good buddies it seems but still something is super tough about school for her. So after she apologizes through her tears she says, I just want to go lay down with you, so we do and she starts to calm down, her breathing gets more steady, she turns to me and we say, "i love you" and she falls asleep in all of her clothes at 6:30 at night, for the whole night.

Late Happy St. Valentines

2010-02-19T20:55:00.001-08:00

By Abby.

Sunrise at 881. Amazing...

Some New

2010-02-19T20:27:00.000-08:00

Ready for his first swim at the pool- he loved it!

The beginning.

For Joe

2010-02-13T20:50:00.000-08:00

A friend of Joe's wrote this for him and sent it. So Beautiful.

Congratulations Erik,

He became a father again, a wonderful gift from the universe
His chance to learn from his son things
He could not see without
His son's eyes leading
Him in new directions
He has much to feel for his son, but not enough time to reflect all of
His emotions
He knows these moments with him will flash by, and soon be a memory
His heart will open more and
He will learn to love himself and the new way he moves through time
His child's eyes will show him what he needs

by Dianne Jones

2010-02-13T07:22:00.000-08:00

Our first experience with public school Valentines Day.

At first Abby wasn't that into it but the day before the party she decided she wanted to make Valentines. She cut some nice paper of mine all these patterned variations of green into little rectangles, only big enough for the kids' name with hers on the back. I asked do you want to put any red or pink or valentine stuff on them? " no, she replied, i'm making everyone bookmarks." Oh so cute. She came home amazed at the candy that she got, far from the no sugar policy at her other school.

2010-02-08T17:38:00.000-08:00

Wes and I are in sunny farms today waiting to check out and next to us was an older man with bright blue eyes, a cool hat on, and an open kind face. He was looking at a family ahead of him with three kids and at Wes.
The man says:" Isnt it amazing how children can light up the face of any person no matter what their religion or culture is? I read the bible alot and in Matthew it says why. It says that each child has an angel assigned to him and that is why we are so attracted to babies because they are so close to their angels and to God-its almost like you can get a glimpse when you look at them."

His blue eyes twinkled and he walked away all light.
Wow....

Sweet and Lucky Seven

2010-02-06T20:47:00.000-08:00

Oh Abs I can't believe you are seven. The time has flown- I remember so well how you learned to crawl around, not doing the classic crawl but the kind where you tucked one leg under and scooted. I wonder if Wes will crawl like you. You had a great birthday yesterday- opened presents first thing off in the morning and then got to pick a breakfast place to go with your Papa, all of us with the day off. Court, Cass and I met you on a run to the park and you joined us for part running on your long skinny legs even helping me push Wes in the jogger for part. You didn't stop moving or bouncing the WHOLE day, you were so excited. You and your Papa decorated the house and you helped clean, then 4 friends from 3 different schools came over for your Pet Shop party. You guys decorated bags with markers and puffy paint, played musical paws, but the best was just running around outside, up in the tree via the rope, and playing your make believe horse games. You love pet shops animals right now, build extravagant houses out of used boxes, paper plates and whatever you salvage from around the house, I am amazed at your inventiveness. You have had a lot of change this year, a new brother and a new school. You have been the best big sister EVER- I love how Wes does his talking/screaming voice the most for you, how his face lights up when he sees you first thing in the morning and when he hears your voice as he is trying to fall asleep he always turns his head to the door to see if he can catch a glimpse of your face before he goes to sleep. School has been an adjustment, you have been brave and have grown up so much. I watch you in class and I appreciate how aware you are of other kids, how kind you are and how you love to joke around and laugh. You like to do well, you love to do art of any kind, you love jumping rope, wearing mismatched knee high socks, to do your homework, and for us to read books to you. You still hate to sit and eat food but do complain less about what we are having. You usually do your own hair now and often pack your lunch for school.

Oh Abs I can't believe you are seven- you are going to have such a good year, I can't wait to watch.

hmmmm...

2010-02-01T19:17:00.000-08:00

A good sign or a bad sign that i am eating Nutella straight out of the jar with a knife.

The Beach

2010-02-01T00:31:00.000-08:00

Today i got to run in the misty rain to the beach and back. It was a stretch, my lungs and muscles balking for sure. I'm always amazed how quickly my mind says i can't do this, then i hear my running buddy Tess who's worlds away in New Zealand talking in my head, telling me to get my ass up the hill, that i can walk at the top if i need to. You made me laugh Tess and you weren't even here. Thanks girl for being you and for teaching me how to run. Miss you like crazy.